A Whisper of Light
by kaiserklee
Summary: But if memories must be removed, it would be even safer to remove them from Elsa. She couldn't harm someone who didn't exist to her. (AU: Instead of Anna, Elsa's memories are removed. After her long years of isolation, one day she happens upon a girl lost in the woods and weak from cold.)
1. A Whisper of Light

**A Whisper of Light**

"Your Majesty. Born with the powers, or cursed?"

"Born. And they're getting stronger."

Elsa wasn't so sure sometimes. Pappa told her she had been born with these powers, but in the hushed conversations she overheard, the ones her parents held under the cover of darkness, sometimes Elsa would catch the word _curse _mumbled like something terrifying. She was young, but not so young to fail to recognize fear when she saw it. Elsa was sure her parents loved her, but even love had its limits when she could touch things and make them freeze to solid ice, when she could take the warmth of summer and transform it to the frigid chill of winter.

Only Anna had ever called it _magic_, what she did.

And now she was unconscious, barely alive, her skin cold and her hair white.

"Do what you must."

"I recommend we remove all magic, even memories of magic, to be safe–"

"But she won't remember I have powers?" Elsa asked. Her tongue almost slipped. She almost said magic, just like what Anna called it. When the troll looked down, that was all the answer she needed. Elsa stepped in between them, shielding Anna from his touch. "No, you can't do that!"

Anna was the only one to call it magic. Anna was the only one to know, and to not fear.

She couldn't forget.

"Elsa, be good–"

"I will!" Elsa interrupted, and her father jerked back from her uncharacteristic outburst. For a brief moment, Elsa didn't understand. She had always been well-behaved, but was a single interruption enough to provoke such a reaction from her father? Only when she heard her mother gasp and step away did she realize. Released along with her shout had been a wave of cold, spreading from her foot all along the ground to freeze the entire terrace where they stood.

"Elsa–"

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." Elsa tried her hardest to take it back, but the harder she tried the more her power slipped away from her, and the more her power slipped away the more her panic grew. The ice crept up the sides of the terrace and onto the secondary ring, and then the third, and then the fourth, until the Valley of Living Rock resembled an arctic plain.

Grand Pabbie stepped forward and placed a hand over Elsa's forehead, and she calmed. Just like that, the ice halted in its tracks. Elsa stepped backwards, knees trembling so badly she nearly slipped on her own ice, and Grand Pabbie shook his head with eyes downcast.

"I'm sorry, Elsa," Grand Pabbie said. As he spoke, his hands weaved colors into the sky, visions that Elsa watched with growing trepidation. "Your power will only grow. There is beauty in it, but also great danger. You must learn to control it. Fear will be your enemy."

Red flashed over her eyes.

"How can I control it?" Elsa asked quietly. "I don't want to hurt Anna again."

"Learn to control your emotions. Learn to let go…"

_...of Anna._

_Learn to be alone._

Elsa understood what Grand Pabbie was suggesting, and judging by the resignation on her parents' faces, so did they. Until she could control her powers, she was a danger to everyone around her. It was true that it would be safe to remove Anna's memories. They could go on living together, Elsa hiding her curse every second of every day as Anna lived blissfully unaware of her struggle. It was true that Anna would be safe like that.

But if memories must be removed, it would be even safer to remove them from Elsa.

She couldn't harm someone who didn't exist to her.

"I'll do it," Elsa said. She turned and put on a brave smile for her parents, reassuring them that this was what she wanted, that she wanted Anna to remember her even if she couldn't remember, because Anna could remember for the both of them and that was enough.

"Are you sure?" Grand Pabbie asked. His already wizened face grew even wearier, heavy sigh pulling down his lips and deep remorse clouding his eyes.

"I'm sure."

As her mother bore Anna away by horse, Elsa watched them shrink away into the distance. Her eyes never once left Anna, taking in every detail for the last time. The way Anna slept alternating between heavy and light breaths. The way Anna rubbed at the bridge of her nose where the freckles were strongest. The way Anna was, very simply, Anna. Elsa watched until she could not see her anymore.

"Goodbye," Elsa whispered.

Elsa felt her father squeeze her hand in reassurance, and then Grand Pabbie placed a hand over her forehead, and Elsa closed her eyes. Despite everything she said, that part of her that never wanted to let go fought a futile battle to hold on to the memories, until the darkness became too much.

And that was the last time Elsa remembered she had a sister named Anna, a sister who liked warmth but would build snowmen with her anyway; a sister who was clumsy and tripped over air; a sister who was too single-minded to take no for an answer and snuck away chocolates but always remembered to save some for Elsa; a sister who was at once endearing and irritating.

A sister who Elsa had loved.

* * *

When Elsa awoke, she was in their resort home on the North Mountain.

"You'll be staying here to learn to control your powers," Pappa said. "There are already enough supplies here to last you for years. Your mother and I will make it a priority to visit you as often as we can."

Elsa nodded.

She waited for more.

"Is something wrong, Elsa?"

"N-No," Elsa said when she realized she was staring. "I just thought that you weren't done speaking. I was waiting for – I'm sorry. Everything's fine, Pappa."

There was nothing else.

* * *

She was so used to hiding.

When the time came for her father to leave and return to his duties as king, Elsa simply lived on her own without once using her powers. It was an age-old lesson emblazoned in her mind. Never let others see. Elsa kept her powers to herself, and the only one who had ever coaxed her out of it was –

No one. Elsa blinked and shook her head, feeling a pounding pressure in her behind her eyes like a hammer was driving a nail through her skull. The harder she tried to recall, the more it hurt.

And then she flung an arm out like that could ward off the pain, and all it did was send a wave of snow crashing against the wall.

Elsa stumbled back from the recoil, instinctively looking left and right for anyone who might have been around, anyone who might have witnessed her act of magic. It was nearly a full minute of breathless fear before she remembered she was alone. No one was here to see, and no one was here to judge.

Breathless not from fear but from exhilaration, Elsa allowed herself to experiment.

She quickly forgot all thought of the past, of constraint.

* * *

It was easier now.

Without anything to distract her, and without having to worry about being seen, Elsa let her powers run free for the first time in her life. There was something glorious, something breathtaking about seeing something borne from her mind with a simple wave of her hand.

The first things Elsa made were animals. An entire ensemble of horses and hawks and foxes and every beast she could think of, and then mythical creatures, griffins and chimeras and sea serpents. All of them sculpted from unmelting ice, and all of them unique. She had many of the same creatures, because Elsa preferred that they not be alone, but no two were the same.

Each horse was of different size and shape, some built as stallions and others as mares. Each hawk was of different pose, some perched on a branch and others in pursuit of prey. Every last detail was crafted with meticulous care, and Elsa had all the time in the world to do it.

But creating animals grew boring after a time, and Elsa moved on to snowmen.

They were easier, of course, simpler and not needing to be lifelike, but somehow they were more special. Elsa waved her hand and snow compacted into a large ball to serve as the base. When she moved to create the rest, she paused.

Elsa frowned.

It felt like cheating.

She wasn't sure where the feeling was coming from, but she let her power fade back. Dropping to her knees onto the snow, Elsa collected the powder with her hands and slowly rolled it into a misshapen ball. It would never be as perfect as if she just used her powers. She knew that, but she continued with her mortal, human methods anyway because it felt so much more right.

It would be better with someone next to her, but Elsa had never had that anyway.

* * *

"Are you lonely here, Elsa?"

"No, Pappa."

She was answering truthfully. She had always kept distance from the servants, her care for their safety sometimes being mistaken for the haughtiness of a spoiled princess. Kai and Gerda were her closest caretakers, but Elsa had no misconceptions about the fact that they were on the payroll. Maybe she would like more visits from Momma, but having Pappa come around once a week and Momma every other week was enough.

"Is there anything you need?" Pappa asked.

Pappa sounded quite insistent.

"I would like some more books," Elsa replied, more to ease her father's conscience than anything. She knew he wanted to provide her with more because he felt he was slighting her in some way, but Elsa had honestly never been happier than being here, alone.

At length, Pappa nodded.

After some more pleasantries – Elsa thought it and was slightly guilty, but they _were _exchanging pleasantries, the usual light and polite conversation she had been taught to hold, not with family but with foreign dignitaries – Pappa left.

The doors closed shut behind him, and Elsa was alone again.

When silence filled the halls, Elsa was surprised to find she preferred it.

* * *

After about two months, Elsa took her first step outside.

She had spent her time indoors, exploring the resort that she had only been to once before and when she was too young to remember properly, but even the large manor yielded all its secrets in the face of an inquisitive child. So when Elsa exhausted all the secret passageways, all the increasingly boring halls and their boring suits of armor, their boring portraits and boring vanities, she stepped outside.

Elsa gazed around in awe of the mountain, looming so tall it cast a perpetual shadow over where she now lived. And the thought leapt across her mind: Why should she live at the base of the mountain when there were greater heights to be climbed? She shook her head. Pappa had told her to stay here and learn control, and that was what she would do.

It was winter now, and natural snow coated the valleys. Contrary to what other people might think, not all snow was the same. Not only the common knowledge that no two snowflakes were the same – thought that was a myth, identical snowflakes were rare but certainly existed, and all of Elsa's were of the exact same pattern – but it was something inherent in their nature. Each one _felt _different.

She didn't have much experience with people, but Elsa likened it to how each person had their own experiences and aspirations. Maybe others couldn't hear, without her gift, but each snowflake sung to her. When she knelt in the snow and ran her hands over the plane of white, the snow greedily stuck to her hands and filled her mind with a content purr.

"You want to be more," Elsa deduced.

So it was that her feet launched her into dance, moving her through wide arcs and turns as the snow followed, spiraling upwards and moving into a helix, and then a fractal…

When she was done, she looked up and saw a single snowflake over the sky, and with a smile she let it dissipate through the air.

* * *

"Are you okay, living here all alone?"

"I'm perfectly fine, Mother."

"Is there anything else you need, Elsa?"

"No. Thank you, Father."

"Is there anything at all that we can do?"

"…No, there isn't."

* * *

The visits from Mother and Father were getting shorter now.

Perhaps it was her own fault, unresponsive as she was, but Elsa had little to speak to them about. She didn't know about their lives, and they didn't know about hers, so much of their time was spent in awkward silence that was almost pervasive. Elsa stared and they would break eye contact first, and so she would look away and feel their gaze on her again until they inevitably left.

She was fine with that.

By the time four years had passed, Elsa saw Father once every two weeks, and Mother once every month.

She was fine with that.

Although, she _was _getting rather bored of her sculptures. There was no challenge in it anymore, no thrill in recreating things she could do without a second thought, so she turned her attention towards architecture. She still did reading, of course. Her favorite was geometry, so one day Elsa decided to apply her powers to what she had learned.

Waves of white arced from her fingertips and she directed them into flowing gossamer tapestries to replace the banal cloth. A controlled avalanche knocked out the staircase, and another wave of snow swept it out the front doors and off the mountain, likely to be picked up by travelers who would find it fortunate to find material of such fine make. Snowflakes swirled and solidified into thick ice, building a new staircase, one that gleamed blue and reflected the light.

Elsa looked up at the chandelier, frowned, and decided it would be unwise to bring it down.

That would have to wait.

* * *

She felt very angry all the time.

Elsa wasn't sure why, but her mood fluctuated between joyful and aggravated at the proverbial flick of a switch. When last time Mother had visited, Elsa very nearly shouted at her for some small thing she had done, something she couldn't even remember now. She doubted it was very offensive at all–

Oh, yes. Something about returning to Arendelle.

Elsa had refused.

There was nothing waiting for her there, and after six, nearly seven years of isolation, she couldn't bear the thought of returning to a kingdom where she would have to conceal all over again. Here, she could do whatever she desired. Here, she could be who she was.

When Elsa had explained so, her mother nearly burst into tears. She didn't understand why the sight was so very upsetting, but she understood even less why Mother cried in the first place.

She let the thought fade. Thinking about it only made her more confused, and Elsa had other things to do. After animal sculptures and architecture, she decided she would create a statue in the likeness of a human. It would be a challenge, after seeing no one for so long, and maybe it would be easiest to base it off Mother or Father but Elsa hardly needed to see any more of them.

No, this would be purely creative.

Elsa took a deep breath and began. Rather than simply creating the entire thing all at once, first she drew moisture out of the air and froze it into a giant block, then began slowly chipping away at it. It was better this way, when she wasn't quite sure what she wanted. At the very least, she would be able to tell if it started becoming misshapen.

With each thought, Elsa carved away more of the ice. Her fingers flew through the air like she was conducting, and each time more of the ice shattered off. Ice was like that, a crystal that needed to have its excess cleaved away so that only the essence of it was left. Beneath the bulky exterior lay a heart that was pure and flawless, and her task was to polish the ice until it was the image she desired.

It quickly became thoughtless.

When she finally finished long hours later, Elsa took a step back and admired her work. And then blinked, and blinked again at the strange sight that welcomed her. She had created a child, one with two pigtails and a wide, toothy smile, eyes glistening with mischief evident even in ice. And it was so unbelievably detailed, far more so than Elsa had expected her first work to be. It was disconcerting. When she stared at it long enough, she felt an inkling of recognition and it scared her, to feel something like longing where there should have been nothing.

For the first time in years, Elsa lost control and the sculpture shattered.

She would try again and again to reproduce it, but she never succeeded.

* * *

Three more years later, and Elsa never saw her parents again.

They must have forgotten about her.

Elsa was not so very surprised. She had almost forgotten about them.

So it was that at the age of eighteen, Elsa moved all of the supplies aboard a sled of ice and directed it to follow her as she left the manor behind forever.

All these years, she had stared up at the North Mountain, gazed at its majesty and wondered what it would be like to look down and not up. Now that she had no more ties to anything or anyone, Elsa decided it was time to take that challenge.

It wasn't easy to make it up the mountain, even for her. The cliffs were steep and the winds were powerful, and Elsa eventually had to abandon her supplies in favor of remaining concentrated on herself. She never once felt cold, however. And when she realized that the wintry storm was well within her power to control, she seized on the winds and made them her own, changed their course to fly her up the mountain.

Where there were impossible chasms, Elsa created staircases to cross. Where there were fields of ice and snow, Elsa moved them underfoot so they rippled and moved her to where she needed to be. All of this was her element, and Elsa broke even the last limits she didn't realize she still had. Now she was one with the wind and sky.

She picked out a place and decided to make it her own.

Where she stood would be her Palace of Ice, and there she would stay.

* * *

Even Elsa wanted some company, even if not a lot, so she made many, many snowmen.

Not entirely for company, however. She needed them to guard her palace, now that she no longer lived in the home of Arendelle royalty and any stranger who decided to brave the mountain might knock on her door. All of them were refused. After some time she realized that they mostly came during the spring and summer, so Elsa pulled snow from the clouds and created an eternal snowstorm all around the mountain, and that thinned her would-be guests but still did not get rid of them entirely.

Marshmallow was very useful for discouraging them.

As for the others, the smaller variety, she had them clean and bring her sustenance when she needed it. Not very often, these days. Her power sustained her well enough, and her body was so cold she might as well be a corpse. What she had later retrieved from those old supplies was probably enough to last her a lifetime at the rate she was getting through them.

"Hey, Elsa!"

Olaf. One of her first creations, and also the loudest and clumsiest. Elsa honestly had no idea why she kept him around. She supposed he was amusing, in his own bumbling way.

"There's someone out there collapsed in the woods! I tried to drag her here but she was too heavy, and Marshmallow won't ever listen to me. Such a _bad _kid, you know, I think you should really think about talking to him about his attitude–"

_Tell me about this person._

"Oh, right," Olaf said, and he made to clear his throat as if he had one. "Just a girl, Elsa! I think you should help her, I think she's feeling _really _bad out there."

_Is she close?_

"Real close," Olaf nodded. "Just a hop, skip, and a jump away."

_I will attend to it. _

She had nothing better to do anyway. And if Elsa always warded off her visitors, she made sure they left safe and sound as well. No one wanted dead bodies on their front door, and if this girl was as close as Olaf made it sound, Elsa would prefer she be escorted away alive. With the long ends of her dress trailing behind as she walked, practically glided, Elsa opened the doors and left to find her little guest.

* * *

"H-Help…"

Elsa waved the trees aside, bare branches snapping under the pressure of snow. Laying there in the middle of the forest was a strange girl lost in the woods and weak from cold, her cloak only ceremonial and not meant for any truly harsh weather. It was a wonder she had survived this long. Elsa watched as she curled inwards to preserve the little warmth she still possessed, breath leaving in short gasps as she weakly cried out for help. She was so far gone she didn't even realize Elsa stood only a few yards away.

It might have been the easier thing to do, sending this girl off the mountain immediately so she could be helped by her own kind.

Elsa was determined to do just that until the girl rolled over and her hood fell, revealing a shock of red hair and a pale, freckled face.

Her breath hitched in her throat at the sight. Elsa had no idea why, but she felt an instinct to rush over and help the girl, hold her in her arms and spirit her away to safety. She was just so very _familiar_. That couldn't be right. Elsa hadn't seen anyone in years, and for years and years before that, she had only seen her parents before they too had abandoned her. So how–

Another weak gasp, and Elsa made up her mind.

She hurried over and picked the girl up, taking care to control the cold that always suffused her skin so she didn't worsen her condition. Elsa wasn't sure if it was from her cold, or if it was simply the shock of being rescued at all, but the girl fainted in her arms. Her lip were turning blue, and her skin looked to be so wind-dried that it would split and bleed at any second. Elsa endeavored to hurry back lest the girl die before she could make it back.

It only struck her how very strange this was when she was halfway to her palace. Elsa hadn't touched anyone in years, and to hold someone now with her bare hands was a foreign sensation. Even after all she had been through, this girl was warm, warmer than Elsa could ever be. After her isolation, it felt like being next to a furnace. If they were any closer, Elsa thought she might burn.

Curious, Elsa reached out to touch her cheek.

But she paused a fraction of a centimeter away when she heard a voice, a whisper so faint she wondered if she had only imagined it. She _must _have imagined it.

Why else would she have heard the girl whisper her name?

* * *

**a/n: **Unedited, just a very fascinating idea that I wanted to try my hand at. Most likely will not be continued, but I hope you liked this anyway! Follow me on tumblr (kaiserklee), and feel free to send me prompts~ :D


	2. A World of Memory

**a/n: **By popular request, I am continuing this. You guys are way too persistent! My current plan is to have three chapters total, though the third one (which is about Elsa slowly remembering Anna) might be split up. It's going to be more detailed and compact in terms of the time-frame, obviously, since the first two chapters span the same thirteen year separation. Hope you like Ch.2, which is from Anna's perspective.

* * *

**A World of Memory**

Anna pretended like she didn't know, but she did.

She knew Mamma and Pappa were hiding something from her, because no matter how many times she asked about Elsa they would never give her the answer she wanted.

"She had to go somewhere else, to learn to control her powers," Pappa answered, face starched and ironed because he never, ever smiled anymore.

"Okay," Anna said, because that made sense. "So when can I go and visit?"

"You can't," Pappa said, and Anna thought that _didn't _make sense.

Another thing that didn't make sense was that Mamma cried a lot, too. Anna had heard her one time while sneaking out for chocolates, had seen her sitting alone in the kitchens at night sobbing into her hands, and Anna slipped away to give her some privacy.

_("Sometimes, people just need to be alone," Elsa had told her once, when she had tried to talk to one of the younger maids and been rebuffed._

_"Oh. So does that mean you want me to go away too?"_

_"I said people need to be alone," Elsa said, smiling. "But I didn't say they want to be. I'll always want you around, Anna. Okay? And I'll always be here for you if you want me.")_

Anna could really use some company right then, as she stared up at the bed canopy and counted the stitches, trying to focus on just a few so they formed a snowflake. Her last memory of Elsa was waking her up to build a snowman, and then something weird had happened and the next thing she knew, she woke up to a bedroom emptied of half its contents. Anna sat up and stared at the opposite end of the room. Where there was once a bed and a dresser was empty space.

It was weird.

And Anna was a little upset with Elsa.

She hadn't even said goodbye before leaving! She just up and left, disappeared one morning. Anna noticed her absence in all the tiny ways, but the silence was the worst when she slept. Anna was so used to the comforting sound of Elsa simply breathing. Not being able to hear the rhythm of Elsa's breathing right across from bed was even affecting her sleep.

One day, when the sun began to rise and light peeked through the curtains, Anna bounded off her bed, sprinted to the other end, and prepared to jump up to Elsa. It was such ingrained instinct that she didn't need to open her eyes, because she knew the distance perfectly, knew exactly how many steps to take, and when she finally jumped she fell flat on the ground and ended up with a bloody nose.

She stopped waking up with the sun after that.

She could hardly sleep at night, so she made up for it by sleeping in.

"I want to see Elsa," Anna demanded.

"You're too young," Pappa said, and Anna knew this particular answer well enough to mouth the words as her father spoke. "Maybe when you're older. It's too far away, and the trip will be dangerous."

"When is Elsa coming back then?"

"I don't know," Pappa said, voice trailing off into a murmur and eyes looking everywhere but at her. "I really don't know, Anna, I wish I could tell you."

Anna wished Pappa could tell her too, but he never could no matter how many times she asked.

* * *

"It's snowing!"

Anna expected to see Elsa when she ran outside to play, because as far as she was concerned, winter was Elsa and Elsa was winter. If it was snowing, that meant Elsa was back and wanted to build a snowman. It was with breathless anticipation that Anna ran through the hallways, tripping even more than usual in her haste and drawing more than a few odd looks.

"Elsa!"

Anna opened the doors and prepared to be greeted by her sister returning at last.

Nothing but snow, _only _snow.

Anna sat down in the snow and waited around for Elsa to surprise her somehow. Maybe she would burst out of the snow, like a daisy. But whole minutes passed and though she knew Elsa was much, much more patient than she was and could probably manage a prank like this, she also knew that Elsa would never keep her waiting. Elsa wasn't here.

Just to check, Anna caught one of the snowflakes in her hand. All of Elsa's were distinctly hers, their pattern identical, and Anna knew it so well she could have drawn it in perfect proportion blindfolded.

_("They're really pretty, but I thought all snowflakes were different."_

_"They are, except for mine. If we ever get separated, you can follow the snowflakes back to me!" Elsa told her. "And you'll be able to tell it's me, see?"_

_"But how will you find me?"_

_"I'll always be able to find you.")_

These ones weren't special.

She flicked it away and then shuffled her foot across the thick blanket of snow, but the wonder was gone. There was nothing else to do in the castle though, and certainly no one to do it with, so Anna decided to play by herself outside. Hours passed. A veritable army of snow angels and a legion of lopsided snowmen later, Anna simply lay there and stared up at the drifting snowflakes.

Anna realized she had never liked the snow much unless Elsa was there with her.

* * *

They told the people there was a threat against the kingdom, and as heir, Elsa had to be sheltered from potential danger. Of course, nobody was at risk and life could continue as usual, and the gates would remain open. Sending Elsa away was only a precaution, and the King and Queen had wanted to give her experience in foreign kingdoms anyhow.

Everybody accepted that and life moved on. Nobody suspected a thing.

Anna no longer suspected that anything was out of the ordinary or, more accurately, that she was being kept out of the loop. After all, Pappa had told everyone that thing about the threat or whatever, but _she _knew Elsa was busy learning to use her magic. So obviously, she knew more and therefore knew everything there was.

_("Are you reading those mystery novels again?" _

_"You don't like them?" Elsa grinned when Anna wrinkled her nose and shook her head, because she would much rather be playing outside or running about the halls. Instead, Elsa sat there and read, even more than they already had to. Anna thought she was weird but Elsa was still Elsa so it was okay._

_"Why do you like them?"_

_"There's always more beneath the surface," Elsa said. "You can look at something and think you know about it, but there's always more. You can never know something perfectly."_

_"Well, I know you perfectly."_

_Elsa blinked, then nodded slowly and smiled. "Yes, I think you do." But when she put down her novel and suggested they do something else, like ride their bike through the hall, Anna thought it might have been the other way around.)_

* * *

One day at dinner, Gerda accidentally set one too many seats and they all knew who it was for.

No matter how quickly Kai moved it away, the damage was done. The reminder made dinner an awkward, silent occasion. Pappa's face turned a sickly shade of green, and Mamma flat out refused to eat at all. Anna picked at her food, thinking it might make them a little happier – Mamma always told her to eat her vegetables but she never did, except for this one time – but not even that worked.

_("It's good for you," Elsa said, when she caught sight of Anna's look of horror. She picked up another fork-full of spinach and actually put it in her mouth, chewed, swallowed._

_"But it tastes weird…"_

_At Mamma's behest, Elsa nudged her until she gave in and ate the smelly stuff, pinching her nose shut and swallowing as quickly as possible. Once she was done, Anna glared at Elsa and mouthed traitor._

_"I have chocolate for you later," Elsa whispered, and suddenly everything was all right.)_

Anna plucked up her courage and tried again.

"I want to see Elsa."

Lines creased at the edge of Pappa's mouth, and his eyes squeezed shut. Anna had seen him do that before, rarely but more and more frequent now. It used to be when he was at those stuffy meetings and someone particularly bothersome was troubling him, but now Pappa did it whenever Elsa was mentioned. Did Pappa think Elsa was bothersome?

"That's not possible," Pappa said.

"Why not? I'm not scared, and Elsa must be lonely up there–"

Something in those words must have been too much, because her father slammed a hand on the table with such fury that Anna recoiled. She had never seen him like this. Pappa never lost control, never raised his voice at them, but he seemed like a completely different person now. Smaller, somehow, even though he was so angry. Everything about him was diminished, his pride, his stance.

"We are done talking about this, Anna."

"But I just want to–"

"Enough!"

Her father's words were harsh, venomous, and Anna felt the beginnings of tears prick at her eyes. She nodded quickly. And just like that, Pappa deflated. Anna couldn't blame him for his reaction when she noticed how tired he looked, how drawn.

"I can arrange for communication," Pappa said, and Anna brightened at the unexpected news. She would be able to hear from Elsa? "But you have to promise me not to ask to see Elsa again. She will return when she is ready."

"Okay," Anna promised.

Once dinner was over, she sprinted back to her room and wrote down everything she wanted to say. Maybe she wasn't very good with words yet because it took the entire night before Anna was satisfied. When her father found her in the morning, she was clutching a letter tightly in her fist, smiling in her sleep.

* * *

"Did she write back?"

Anna practically threw herself at Kai when he returned, but the kindly old butler only chuckled at her familiar antics and dipped into a half-bow. Both of them knew the gesture was unnecessary but Anna loved it anyway. She curtsied back and held out her hand.

"Here you are," Kai said, and he handed her a small parcel.

Anna couldn't wait to get back to her room, or even a moment longer, so she ripped it open right then and there and dumped everything out on the floor. A letter! Anna snatched it up and nearly ripped it apart in her haste to unfold it.

She didn't notice Kai shaking his head and walking away, engrossed as she was by the letter she thought was from Elsa. Anna read through the entire thing quickly, then went back and read it a second time, slower, and then a third time, taking in each individual word and feeling each one warm her a little more.

_("Why is your handwriting so fancy?"_

_"Calligraphy, Anna." Elsa moved the brush in a wide arc, thick lines of ink flowing from where the tip touched parchment. All fancy loops and flourishes that Anna wasn't quite sure how to appreciate. It was pretty, Anna thought, but barely legible. _

_"But it takes so long!"_

_"I don't actually write like this," Elsa laughed. "You've seen my cursive."_

_"It looks exactly like the textbooks…"_

_"I've only been copying, and I do that well," Elsa agreed. "But Pappa says I need to develop my own style. Your handwriting says a lot, and a ruler needs a bold style. For now though, I copy and I learn.")_

All the cursive looked the same to her, but Anna imagined Elsa writing these words just for her.

* * *

Three years had passed, and still Elsa hadn't come home.

Anna sat with legs crossed and a folder spread out on her lap, her back bent as she nibbled on the end of a pencil and contemplated on a particularly vexing equation. She was alone as always – Joan was there, but Anna could hardly ask her for help on math. All her lessons moved so quickly now that she barely had time to grasp them, let alone master them, before moving on to more and more complicated concepts. She was tempted to just circle the damn _x _on the page. That counted as finding it, right?

_("Whatcha doing?"_

_"Homework." Elsa sketched out a triangle and did some weird math magic that Anna couldn't follow, but apparently Elsa understood all the weird symbols because she filled in the answer with the confidence of someone who had _made _the test._

_"This looks pointless..."_

_"Geometry's not pointless," Elsa said, and her eyes lit up when she sketched out more diagrams. "See, all of this applies to architecture and even the design of everyday necessities–"_

_"Elsaaaaaaaa."_

_"Maybe you'll get it one day," Elsa laughed.)_

Anna thought back to Elsa and her homework and realized now that Elsa was always assigned much, much more than she was. She only realized that _now _because she was oddly being given the same workload, and when she asked why Elsa did more, answer was that Elsa was the heir.

So that only made her more confused.

"Then why am _I _getting all this work now?"

No one answered that.

* * *

_Dear Elsa,_

_I am writing to inform you that your absense is a…a…I can't think of a good one right now but gimme a minute I need to read Ol' Wills anyway so I'll just... _

_Umm, okay. But soft! What light through yoonder window breaks! What's that mean? Oh well. Pappa's been tryina get me to write more formal but it sounds so weird and stuffy and I don't like it. My punctuashun is better tho, right? Did I spell punctuashun right? Oh no, it's punctuation. Umm, forget all this and lemme start over._

_Hope you're still good wherever you are, I miss you. When are you coming back? I wanna visit but Pappa never lets me, he says I'm not old enough but I'm going to be 9 soon so I think he's just being pre…preten…whatever that word is, I think it means meanie or something. So where are you anyway? I sit at home all day and get a lot of homework and it sucks because you're not here._

_Wherefore art thou Elsaaaaaa?_

_Hugs and kisses _

_Anna_

_P.S. What does P.S. stand for?_

"Can you give Elsa this?" Anna asked her father.

She slid her letter and a drawing of Elsa and herself building a snowman across the table, and Pappa nodded. This was their only way of communication, letters and drawings, though the drawings always came from Anna. Elsa would write back and sometimes send a few gifts, and these Anna kept in a locked chest beside her bed. So far, she had a collection of chocolate (some of it eaten, some of it melted), lots of things related to snowflakes (a necklace and a bracelet), and other things that were at once heartwarming and yet strangely impersonal.

_Dear Anna,_

_Yes, your punctuation is much improved. I'm glad to see that you're taking your studies seriously._

_But when Juliet in her monologue asked, "Wherefore art thou Romeo," she didn't mean where Romeo was. Wherefore actually means why, and so her question was why Romeo was Romeo. The distinction must be made, because one of the themes of the story is identity. If Romeo were not Romeo, or if Juliet were not Juliet, then their separation would not have been a concern._

_I'm okay, but I still haven't learned to control my powers fully so I need to be away for longer. As much as I'd love for you to visit, I think it might be best if you stayed away. It's for your own good. And Pappa is quite correct that nine – eight – is not yet old enough. I miss you too, Anna._

_Love,_

_Elsa_

_P.S. It means Post Script._

* * *

By the time she was twelve, Anna learned how to sneak out of the castle often.

She had to disguise herself though, because most everybody in the kingdom could recognize her on sight. After all, there was a yearly celebration on her birthday and all the people of Arendelle were invited to join in the festivities, and Anna very unfortunately had to make an appearance at the balcony all dressed up, maybe wave a few times and say hello.

It was only unfortunate because of the dressing up. She liked seeing people, and maybe they could tell her smile was genuine and her wave was welcoming, because people tended to like her. Mamma and Pappa took her around to mingle and discovered a talent they called "getting people to say more than they ever meant to." Anna asked if that was a bad thing, and they said no, so Anna shrugged and went along with it.

Still, being liked meant being recognized, so when Anna snuck out she had to steal an outfit from one of the servant boys. With a hat hiding her hair and a convenient smudge of dirt smeared across her cheek, Anna was ready to go. It was fun getting out of the castle and drinking in the sight of normal, everyday people.

Anna strolled through the marketplace and listened in on the haggling, giggling to herself at the strange tactics and the even stranger counters. She walked by the docks and sat on the edge, watching the sailors do their thing, and Anna picked up some more slang and even a few particularly ingenious swears she would need to shock the kitchen girls with.

"Hey! Watch out!"

At the call, Anna turned just in time to shriek and duck under a ball zooming right at her head. Luckily it passed over her and landed safely in the water with a plunk, and a boy sprinted towards her asking her if she was all right, looking incredibly flustered and stammering explanations. Anna didn't have the heart to stay mad. After she told him it was fine, he grinned, retrieved the ball, and ran away again.

Anna followed with her eyes and saw him playing with who was most likely his brother. They tossed the ball back and forth, laughing both from their lips and in their eyes, and Anna looked away. She stared down at her reflection in the water and dipped her foot down, a ripple spreading outwards from where she touched. Her face distorted, and Anna thought if she squinted hard enough she might see Elsa.

"I miss you," Anna whispered to the reflection.

She sat there for hours more. Only when the sun began to set and cast a purple and orange over the sea did Anna rise, and when she walked away she noticed the two boys were gone. Anna wondered if they had left together, returned home together. She glanced back at the water, but of course she had only been talking to her reflection and she had no sister to walk with. She had her shadow though, and so Anna trekked back talking to it about how Elsa was a stinker.

Today had been another visit day, and Mamma and Pappa had gone together.

When Anna returned, she was greeted by the sight of Mamma crying.

* * *

Another two years, two years of sending messages back and forth, but the letters grew sparser and sparser as Mamma and Pappa visited Elsa less and less, and sometimes when they returned they had nothing for her. Did Elsa not want to write anymore? And Anna noticed that her parents were on edge, whispered things about precautions and marriage and securing the kingdom.

Then one day, she was introduced to Prince Hans of the Southern Isles.

"An alliance with the Southern Isles will strengthen Arendelle in both trade and military," Pappa explained, but as much as Anna respected her father, this time she would hear none of it.

"I'm not going to marry him."

"Anna, your mother and I cannot take care of you forever. And what happens when our time comes? Arendelle will need a ruler, and you will be queen but there must be a king–"

"Why will _I _be queen? What about Elsa?" Anna asked.

Her father shook his head. "Forget it. But the fact remains that you must wed. All members of the royal family must marry, Anna."

"Then I'm putting it off as long as possible. I don't even know him, and Elsa isn't around. I don't care," Anna said, cutting off her father's protest, "I'm not going to do it."

* * *

Barely a year later, Mamma and Pappa were both lost at sea.

"I'm very sorry," Hans murmured. "If there's anything I can do, anything at all to make you feel better, I will. I'll be here to listen, Anna."

"…I want Elsa."

An ugly look flashed across his face, but Hans continued to feed her platitudes and Anna was desperate enough to receive them. Elsa didn't come to the funeral. Anna had thought she would at least return for this but there was no sign of her, no message, nothing to show she even _cared_, and for the first time Anna felt a spark of resentment towards the sister who was never there.

And the letters from Elsa stopped entirely.

Anna was alone.

She had neither the state of mind nor the inclination to rule, so Anna relegated the task to Hans, her fiancé, and he became the Regent. At first, Hans was everything she could have wished for. He didn't push for their actual marriage, content for their engagement to stretch on indefinitely. He didn't push for her to take part in ruling, simply taking over matters efficiently and giving her time to grieve.

Too efficiently, though.

By the time Anna was eighteen, she saw that Hans had no intention of ever handing the throne back, nor would he be content sitting _only _on the throne of Arendelle. When Anna discovered that he was preparing to go to war against the peaceful neighboring islands, she flatly told him that went against everything Pappa had stood for.

"You think you have any say in this?"

Anna thought she did. She realized otherwise when all the officials recognized only Hans's orders and brushed her aside, too caught up in his talk of glory and divine mandate. Everyone always knew Anna had no power anymore, but she only learned that fact after being shut out from the throne room. Hans proceeded to arrange for a wedding in three days.

Anna found Kai and, feeling anger and desperation and terror all at once, finally broke. When she imagined the confrontation, she saw herself violently wringing the answer from her longtime caretaker and companion. What really happened was Anna crying silently and barely able to speak past her tears, clinging to Kai and begging for an answer.

"I-I can't," Kai said, trembling. "I don't know, I swear I don't know, Anna–"

"Please tell me where Elsa is. I know that you know, Kai, Pappa told you everything, I need to know, I need to find her and make things right again, please, please_, I can't do this alone_!"

Anna fell to her knees.

Kai dropped down to her level and placed his forehead against the floor, told her the North Mountain, and asked for her forgiveness. In the dead of night, Anna left to find Elsa.

* * *

The North Mountain was too much for her.

Barely conscious, feeling the chill of ice and snow drain the warmth out of her body until she thought she would be frozen solid and preserved forever, Anna felt herself being carried away. Deep instinct made her whisper a name, the name of the sister she longed to see once again.

"Elsa…"

She fainted, not yet realizing that her sister had found her at last.


End file.
